It’s been awhile since I mentioned my nail polish and I don’t think I’ve ever shared how the whole idea of my polish being chosen for me came about. As it’s been something that is on going I thought I’d share now as it’s relevant to what I’ve been writing about at Obedient to Him, my other blog. (I actually hesitate to share the link after what happened last year but I think I have taken every precaution to assure this one isn’t as easily discovered.)
One of the submissive rules that I used to have was that my dominant chose my nail polish color for me. It was his way to give me a reminder of him, something he has chosen for me to wear. Every time I saw my fingertips in color I would think of him.
I don’t know why that one simple thing stuck with me so much. But when the dynamic with him ended that was one rule I couldn’t kick. I had the hardest time picking out polish to wear. It was actually thanks to twitter folks that I was able to overcome that mental block that kept me from choosing. A few folks volunteered to choose for me and one person, a fellow submissive, suggested that I put clear polish on. Then I wasn’t choosing a color but I was still painting my nails. That did the trick. It got me to a place where I could choose again, albeit a couple of months later.
For the last year J has been kind and chosen a color for me every once in a while when I have been really stressed and in need of some balance. It’s a small little thing to most everyone but to me, it’s deeply seeded in my submissive mind, it’s calming, soothing, and when I feel the stress or anxiety come on it gives me focus.
More recently, J has been choosing a color for me more regularly. Almost weekly for a month now. When we had our Sunday Conversation (not the one on ESPN) he asked to see my hands, I showed him, there was no polish. He was pleased that even thought it has been over a week that I hadn’t put any on. Before I left he told me a nice medium red would do nicely for this week. Hearing that made me smile inside. I thanked him.
This past Sunday we went for an end of the day walk. We actually ended up sitting in darkness after watching the sunset and just enjoyed the silence and the ocean sounds, both of us enjoying the present company and the recharging from nature. We walked back to our vehicles in the black, he offered his arm to walk with him so I didn’t trip. We stood for another hour talking in the parking lot (mostly because I couldn’t stop talking). At one point he lifted my hand to see my nails. I said I would normally do my polish tonight (I do them every Sunday night) but I still had my self-imposed homework to do. He told me to send him 3 color choices and he would pick which I’d wear this week but that I should do my homework first. This week I have a neutral/beige color on called Tiramisu for Two. It’s my favorite neutral color to wear.
So that’s the deal with my painted nails. Silly, small, seemingly insignificant but kind of a big thing for me.
Sangine Ruminations 