Lately there have been a few things I’ve been reflecting on quite heavily. The most prominent of them being how to shift my thinking to manage expectations of friendships/relationships.
There is one particular friendship/relationship that has had my focus regarding expectations. It is a relatively new relationship, we met in late July, but it is an important one. G is someone I have known peripherally for years but we met in much different circumstance this time and from the moment we stood face to face I knew G was different from most people. G is a soul companion.
I do not believe we have just one soul mate; I believe in various degrees of soul mates. I believe a soul mate is someone who you/I connect with deeply and they play a role in your/my personal development whether it’s platonic, romantic, or sexual. To me, the definition of soul mate is someone who is a friend of your/my soul. For me the degrees of a soul mate are soul friends, soul teachers, and soul companions. I know people who I connect with on a deep level like this are few and far between. I am lucky enough to have 3 such people in my life currently.
G is a soul companion in a platonic, previously sexual, way. I felt it the instant we met. It’s a rush to feel my soul/core pulse and radiate and even more of one when I feel my core recognize this other person’s soul/core. I don’t know if I believe in past lives but with G, it felt as if my soul recognized his. It was instant, electric. When we spoke about it a few weeks later he shared he felt it too and we knew that this friendship/relationship was different. From those first few minutes we were able to freely talk about anything and everything. There was no being scared of sharing our innermost secrets. In the following weeks we shared things with each other that we have not shared with anyone before. It was easy and felt safe. We messaged on and off all day and night. We sent silly snaps on our breaks. We would talk on the phone or Facetime nearly every day. We just clicked…in a way that someone who has been friends for a lifetime click. This is where my struggle and reflection comes in.
He recently started dating a wonderful woman who makes him smile and feel in such a beautiful way. I love this for him, he deserves to feel these wonderful things after what he has been through. I am thrilled to my core for him, honestly, and of course she holds his attention more now. This is where my struggle and reflection comes in.
After they started seeing each other he and I had a sit down talk. We wanted to see how the other was feeling. I had shared a few weeks before that at some point I would feel love for him, not in a romantic sense but in a sense that I love those I care about. As we talked about us, about them, he said “I love you” to me. I knew he meant it in just the way that I meant it. We feel love for each other. This is where my struggle and reflection comes in.
Now I fully realize he and I are not the same person. He and I did not travel the same path to get to where we are now. We have not had the same life experiences. We have not been treated by others in the same way. So while we both feel what we feel right now how we got there is very different. This is where my struggle and reflection comes in.
There is no doubt that I am a giver. I will give and give until I exhaust myself and having nothing left for me. I’ve been working on not doing that to myself for nearly a year now. I’m better at it but still have more work to do. I will bend over backwards, doing a split, with high heels on and balancing a teacup on my head for someone I care about. I say good morning, good night, I check in on someone when they exhibit a different behavior, I send silly snaps to brighten their day. This is where my struggle and reflection comes in.
He has pulled back a bit as his attention is shared with other people in his life, of course. That doesn’t bother me. What has been bothering me is that he has pulled away. We have talked about this. He shared that he has never met anyone like me. That me being so accepting of this new woman and being genuinely happy for him has thrown him for a loop. He feels like I must be acting and not be genuine because what woman would be supportive of the kind of relationship they have when we had the kind of relationship he and I had. I have tried to tell him that I am not like other women. He is learning that about me, after all we haven’t known each other that long. He hasn’t learned that I do genuinely mean what I say. And I am sad. This is where my struggle and reflection comes in.
I’m sad that he doesn’t know that about me. I’m sad that it will take him a long time to learn that about me. I am sad he isn’t like me in recognizing the kind of soul connection which brings me back to we have not traveled the same path, had the same experiences. It’s unfair of me to expect that he would know so quickly like I knew. This is where my struggle and reflection comes in.
My struggle and reflection have been about working on not expecting that someone will do the same for me as I do for them and about feeling the loss of G in a closeness sense even though I haven’t lost him in the greater sense. I don’t necessarily expect that someone will be the same kind of friend to me that I am to them, but I want them to be. And that’s where the rub is. And I am trying to find a way to not have that expectation. It’s taking me longer than I’d like to work through this but at the same time, this is kind of a big something to work through. Patience is another thing I’m working on, ha.